i found out i was pregnant early on a wednesday morning. deep down i knew something had changed inside me even before taking the test.
i knew what i had to do straight away, raising a child hadn't been part of my plan.

still i cried. what if this is one of those moments during which life throws something unexpected at you and you make it work. what if this what i need to finally feel like i can 'grow up' and take owndership of my life.
no - this is not how i want to do it if i were to do it.

for two days i felt confused but not alone. it was a strange sensation of completeness that i still have a hard time explaining.
i felt something change inside me. it would grow overtime as i went through with the termination.
i started the process of a medical abortion early on a monday morning. i took the first pill at the clinic and the other pills the following days. i didn't bleed straight away. two days later the flood gates opened.
i felt weak and broken for weeks after.
the people at the clinic had been kind and i hadn't felt alone at the beginning.

as time went on i felt more and more lonely. i was going through a lot and felt often i couldn't tell the people surrounding me. only my closest knew and my closest often weren't even close in physical space.
i yearned for sharing this experience. an exchange of breath, of touch, of sigh. where are my sisters?

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